Birthdays are Important!

Ok - so here's the deal. My teenage daughter celebrated her Birthday recently. She told me some of the things she would like for her birthday, and I did what I could to get her some of those things, as well as throwing her party for her. I work very hard and way too many hours, just so that we can have a few extra things every now and then. I am by no means a wealthy person - sometimes it's hard to make ends meet, but I always make sure my kids not only have what they need, but sometimes a little extra, i.e. birthdays, Christmas, etc.

Her father, on the other hand, (who IS very wealthy - not that I have ever benefited from any of it), did not get her anything, saying that money is tight right now, and that she probably wouldn't get a gift at all because she complained about taking out the trash. Instead, he handed her a coupon for a department store that came in the mail. And it expired that day!!!

Unbelievable! I am just so amazed. I mean, how low can you go? I really did not think he could get any more selfish, mean or evil than he has been for the past 20 years, but yep - he has!!!

He may "say" money is tight...but you should know that he has been spending thousands at a time within the last few weeks/months on himself and his house.

As a mother, if someone does something hurtful to your child, it stirs some sort of primitive instinct within you to protect them - to stand up for them. Unfortunately, I've been trying to do that for 15 years. I've been trying to get the courts to see how abusive he is...BUT he's a charmer! And he knows how to spin everything! So - guess what...he got his way....I still had to share custody.

Our court system is really in bad shape especially when it comes to family law. I mean, I had pictures of bruises, etc showing the physical abuse he did to my children. I had endless written accounts of the emotional and verbal abuse that occurred on a daily basis. The courts didn't believe it. So - I've spent most of my energy trying to protect them and nurture them the best that I can, in spite of him.

My daughter called me after this happened with her father. She had only left my house one hour earlier and she was already in tears! Needless to say, she was extremely upset. Who wouldn't be? She didn't ask to be born! It was her Birthday, and she should not be told that she isn't getting a present because she complained when asked to take out the trash. What kind of parent does that???

Just to backtrack for a moment...as far as the complaining about having to take out the trash goes...I don't like my kids to complain about helping out, either. But you must understand that she had been at my house for 7 days straight, and the minute she arrived at her father's house, he gave her a list of chores to do. He had been alone and made those messes himself. When my kids come back from his house, I don't have a mess for them to clean up! It's just ridiculous. Oh - and did I mention that he makes them do chores/work for food? Yep - it's true...it really is. Disgusting, isn't it?

The sad part is, he does this to all of our children - every single time. They always say to me, "I don't want to go to dad's house - he'll just make me do chores the whole time we're there". That is true. I have often asked just how dirty can he be?

He doesn't let them watch tv, either, and even if they are in their rooms studying, he will make them do chores instead, or tell them that they are being lazy.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but it just broke my heart to hear how disappointed she was. And really - she is a good girl, with a big heart and she's not really upset about the gift - she received gifts from my family and from some of her friends - it's really not about that...she's really upset because she doesn't feel loved by her father. If he were my dad, I would feel that way, too. It just hurts me to know that she's in pain and there is nothing I can do about it.

Oh well, I told her I loved her and not to worry about it. Everything will be okay. Somehow it always is. I just hope her heart can heal from some of this stuff. But at least she has me to turn to - and all I can do is give her as much love as possible.

Until next time...